trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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