Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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