Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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