1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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