Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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