The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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