no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
They are going to name an STD after you.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
