The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
