this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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