When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
