dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
