fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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