There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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