too bad you live with your parents still
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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