Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Randomize
