my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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