Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize