so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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