Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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