is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
