I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Randomize
