So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
