i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
