So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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