I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
