Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
The air was thick with penises
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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