She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
