I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
