True but thats because hes a fetus.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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