If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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