Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
