also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
