i love accidental penises.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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