apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
