The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
