at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize