I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Randomize
