now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize