I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Randomize
