I only kidnapped one of them. chill
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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