Ambien. No doubt about it.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
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