dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
