Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize