Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Randomize
