I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
i will never coherently bang her
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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