Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
