Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
i will never coherently bang her
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
