ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
She even gives head with a lisp.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
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