k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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