Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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