i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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