Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
