i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
