can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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