sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
