Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
