My liver just broke up with me...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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