She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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