so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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