is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
