I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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