fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
