I should be sponsored by Trojan
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
