I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
