Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
