I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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