dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Randomize