wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
