8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
