Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize