I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
