I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
