I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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