My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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