apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
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