I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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