I want to stick my p in your. b.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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