...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
