Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
