great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
